So You Think You're In Love?

Between each of my blogs I take serious time to take a look around. To notice issues that affect me, and affect those who are close to me.

These past two weeks or so I feel like I've been so distracted with fun and I've really neglected to write perhaps a much needed letter to many of you may actually read my humble little blog.

I have one thing in particular on my mind, and that's love.

I'm sorry, I know it feels like I always have the same-ish topic on mind. But that's what I have to give; pieces of myself that hopefully help others.

I'm sorry for this next part as it is painfully cliche, but I feel like I have to say it in defense of my very filtered character.

"I don't normally do this,"but I will share on an extreme level something very personal.

Once upon a time there was a very shy and insecure 16 year old named Ally. She swore that she sprayed boy repellent on everyday. Sometimes even people repellent.

And by some miracle...a very cute, somewhat shy boy showed insistent interest in her. Sometimes to the point where she felt very annoyed...(but that's another story)

She wasn't sure about all of this. It seemed very serious very fast. And to be honest--it was.

And so somewhere in there--Ally left herself behind, and made poor choices, that thankfully didn't completely alter her whole life.

I thought I was, "in love"

And I insisted upon myself that this was true. So much so that I let it go on for about 4 years.

I was convinced that this was it. That if I didn't accept what I'd been given, that I'd risk losing everything that I did have with this boy.

Sure, he was sweet--at times. He claimed he would do anything for me. And he did do most anything  for me.

But it wasn't enough. "love" wasn't enough.

Because it wasn't love. Especially during the hard times in our relationship.

That's where I'll end my personal anecdote. Feel free to ask me about it personally, but that's all I feel  should be said publicly.

The point is...

Love is not:
What someone does for you
How tightly someone holds onto you
Constant apologies

Love is not a lot of things. And I'm here to tell you something very important

Love does not exist without God. God is love.

That's what my relationship lacked. We say we cared about God, but he took a back seat anytime we made decisions that God wouldn't have condoned.

Without God, all you have is blind infatuation. God is commitment.

Some people ask "why get married? It's just a piece of paper"

Well, yes without God--it is just a piece of paper.

Real love and commitment only exist under God.

Please understand this. Please want this for yourself!

God is the only love you will ever need.

So do you think you're in love?

Are you in a relationship with someone who isn't willing to commit to God?

Where do you think your relationship is going? What does it really mean?

I'd like to challenge you: Should you enter into a relationship with only the hope of being an influence for them to come to Jesus?

1 John 4:8
"Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love"

2 Corinthians 6:14
"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"

It took me awhile to come to the realization that I didn't need a relationship to have love. All I needed was God.

I had to let go of the insecurity of never finding anything that was more. 

God is more.

And as I am, I hope that you will trust God to find someone who is just for you.

Love, Ally.

True Friends: A MUST read!

Socializing seems to be an art--an art that I guess, I don't have.

Can anybody else relate?

Over the past couple of days someone has confided in me and shared what seems to be the exact struggle I've always encountered when it comes to trying to make friends:

It's classic...

Easily drawn in by certain people-- those who are popular because of their vivacious personality; and you want to be part of that--to be in on the society of people that other people are drawn to.

And I have to wonder, does my insecurity show too much? Because no matter what I do, it seems that the people I am interested in--are not interested in me.

I've tried to be myself...I've tried to be attentive and sensitive...I've tried to be interested...and I've tried to confide, hoping that giving pieces of me away would help them to connect better with me.

And after this cycle has been repeated a few times, I've learned to change my expectations.

But what about strategy?

We are only human, so it's perfectly understandable that for the most part--we only think about friendships in a completely selfish manner.

Being a friend isn't really all we really think it is. Thankfully it's more. But you have to take it seriously.

Of course friendship comes with the joy of just purely enjoying each others company--but that's the reward after having built a friendship based on how God intended.

Ever hear the phrase "blood is thicker than water"? Basically, family is first above all else--and we've heard a million times in church that "we are a church family"

Well what the heck does that even mean?

It means we should be there for each other--this is the part where we live our lives for God everyday after Sunday too.

In other words: It's great that you shook my hand at church and asked about my plans for college...but how about investing in my life--in others lives?

This means being inclusive. In other words: I understand that maybe we don't have the same hobbies, but we share the single most important person in our lives--doesn't that count for something?

BUILD RELATIONSHIPS

I hope that you don't think that you already do this 100%--even if it's 90% God deserves 100%

Don't you understand that we are an example? Human connection and bonds is what attracts any human--can you really expect anyone to be interested in hearing you talk about Jesus and your so called "close" relationship with him if you haven't demonstrated that you can be close with other human beings?

Obviously we should do our best to connect with everyone in the christian community...but I have to say that I think it's especially important within our own church families.

Do you know the person's name of who sits in the row across from you every Sunday morning?

Yes?

Okay, well have you asked how their life is going so far? Have you asked about their walk with Jesus?

Intimidating, right?

The point is, is this: Church is not for the saved. Church is a place where the broken come to be healed--how can we expect them to heal if we are even too shy to know the person who we see every single Sunday?

Once you label yourself a part of God's family you have to abandon the urge to "clique," if you will.

Love everyone equally and be willing to share your time with them.

Expect others to have character flaws--be willing to love them like blood.

God's blood was shed for us. It is thicker than our own familial blood on this earth.

Let that sink in. We are family by the blood of Jesus.

So the next time you try to tell yourself that "family" is all you need as friends in your life, because they can't somehow disown you--think about how in reality--that bond is nothing compared by the promise God made you by accepting you into his family.

Remember who your family is--and treat them how they ought to be treated.

Take what he says seriously:

 Mark 12:31

 "The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these"

Did you get that? NO commandment is GREATER.

With that said, please expect me to awkwardly approach you.  



 

Winnie The Pooh and Selflessness

"When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it."
      -Winnie The Pooh

I don't think I could describe inner feeling any better. And this is why humans tend to be so insecure. 

We are afraid of people not connecting with us, and connecting to things we connect to.

Lately I've been feeling convicted over the fact that I'm a very selfish person. I am very concerned with how others view me. And then I forget that others are insecure too. 

Maybe instead of being concerned with how others could make me feel more comfortable, I should first be concerned with making them feel more comfortable.

This requires an outgoing personality, right? Maybe. But I wonder if it's our Christian duty? 

Perhaps I could feel so much more secure with myself if I knew that I made the effort to show the love of Christ to others by simply pouring into them a little.

I'd really love to learn how to do this on a daily basis.

I'd like to learn how to connect with people. And not connect soley for my emotional benefit. 

Lately I think we've all become selfish. We need to realize that we can never put ourselves first in any relationship. 

The other persons emotional needs should be your first priority and vise versa. 

I apologize for the speculative format. But I think the message is still somewhat clear. 

Philippians 2:3-4


"Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."

This is probably one of the hardest things that we should try to do. We must remember to always put others first no matter what. It seems like it would be draining...but I have a feeling that it's exactly the opposite.

Much love, Ally

Dear Future Husband...Or If You Are A Guy, Wife.

I'd be lying if I didn't say that I got the idea to write this post primarily after listening to Meghan Trainer's catchy song "Dear future husband" 

But really, as a 20 year old college student, it's not like I haven't thought about it.

Marriage, what is it supposed to be? 

When is it right? 

How do you know it's going to last?

I am fortunate enough to have grown up in a house where my parents have given me the ultimate goal of what I'd like my future to look like. 

Almost anyone who looks at them see's just how wonderfully they get along with one another. Even after 27 years. 

Want to know something insane? They got married after knowing each other for 3 months!

While I completely admire their marriage, don't get me wrong...I don't expect, nor perhaps want that to be my reality. 

Now, why do they work so well? It's simple really. 

Despite all of their struggles, they have always put God first. 

They love each other unconditionally. Basically they try to conform to to the very well known "love" chapter of the bible. 

" Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails." 

1 Corinthians 13

One of the things that sticks out to me in this passage is this: "it keeps no record of wrongs"

When you are in it. You are in it. Love is forgiveness, and Jesus is our ultimate example. 

To attempt to answer "when you know it's right"to get married: Pray. And pray together as a couple, AFTER you've talked about the idea of marriage. 

Don't force things along. 

"Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"

Songs of Solomon 8:4

If you don't think you are ready, you're probably not. 

Sometimes I wonder if my parents actually knew that they were ready. I know that at that time in their life they weren't thinking about what God's plan was for them. 

But they matured together by nothing other, I'm sure, than a miracle. 

And now they are the best example I have.

So here's a list dedicated to all of us who hope to someday be married.

A list that is inspired by the bible and everything God wants for you to have.

Future Wifey/Husby Requirments

1. Loves God!
2. Loves you
3. Is patient with you and others
4. Put's you before themself
5. Put's others before themself
6. Is humble
7. Is confident in leading/encouraging you in God's word 
8. Protects you and what the both of you stand for
9. Trusts God in asking them to help make daily decisions (nothing is trivial)
10. Perseveres through hard times (because they will happen)
11. Will do all of the above unconditionally

And any extras, God...would be icing on the cake. 

Never accept less than what God hopes for you...

And my own personal prayer, please let this happen before I hit 30! 

haha...

No, but really. 

Insecurities

This post may be slightly unconventional. That is at least compared to my others...

Can I just say how much it sucks to feel insecure?
And that's totally universal when applied to any situation.

Can I share something personal? I think I will, after all it is MY blog.

I know God is there for me, but it's really hard to trust in him when I feel vulnerable.

When I feel like everyone is judging me. I go through these conversations in my head

I wonder if I'm being annoying...oh come on Ally, be confident. Who cares what they think.

I wonder if people look through multiple pictures on my profile...because obviously my profile picture is too fabulous. Okay. Now I'm just being conceited.

Will people judge me for this blog?

Probably. But so what, I guess.

Right now I am insecure. My future looks very fuzzy, and it's because I'm going through a lot of changes. I'm afraid of failing...at many things. School, relationships...um, life.

I'm not asking you to care, but I'm pretty sure just about anyone who takes the time to read this can relate somehow.

God is there for you. Prayer does so much. It does.

Even though, if you are like me it sucks not having an answer when you want it. Remember God knows the difference between when we want it and when we need it.

All in good time. I'll keep trusting God.

There are too many excellent bible verses for this topic.

Habakkuk 2:3  For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.

College.Bible.Hermaphrodites/Inter-Sex

So why am I getting a college education? I can tell you that initially, it was with a career in mind. But now, I appreciate it even more because I am able to strengthen my christian beliefs.

Not that it's my place to challenge God's word. But what kind of Christian would I be. No. What kind of missionary would I be, if I didn't learn what others believe before I began to tell them that I was right and they were wrong?

Even though I find this comparing experience thrilling, right now, I am feeling pretty dumbfounded, (thanks, gender studies)

Why? Can we discuss hermaphrodites?  Inter-sexual people? Whatever.

Biologically we are all mostly born with either male or female parts. But some people are born with both. And I mean BOTH.

Some are born with more of one than the other, and sometimes, yes, they can do blood-work and testing to figure out the true biological sex of a baby. But what about the babies that truly have both fully developed parts?

Where do they fit into biblical society? God has given us guidelines of where Women and Men fit in life. So where the heck do inter-sexual people fit in?

I'm sorry, this blog post seriously offers no personal explanations. I don't have any idea of how to work through this.

I've done research. Biblical of course. I know what the world would say.

There is a reference to the flood. Our lifespans shortened based off our new environment. AND we literally had Noah's arc full of, what, four sets of people capable of procreating? So...that brought in factors of birth defects.

God would say, well that's what happens as a result of sin.

Is it the same as asking why someone is blind? Obviously God didn't purposefully make someone blind. It was a result of sin. And I guess so is inter-sex.

But again. I ask you. How do they fit into the traditional christian community? They are a person too. Shouldn't they have the right to reproduce if capable? How are they supposed to dress? how are they supposed to be addressed?

The questions above are societal. To end my blog-post, I'll remind you: They are still God's children. Love them the same as God loves you.

Is that all we can do?